55 yr ago a child,named Gary, was born to Henry and Marceline Michael. He had a free spirit that would follow him every day of his life. Gary felt love at home, but around others he was bashful. He promised mom he would be a “spaceman” and fly to the moon, have 10 kids and bring ‘em to her to care for. Growing up he idolized his dad and brother, but his dad’s drinking distorted that view. His brother went away and had his own family. He came to know a little about God, and he accepted that Someone had died “for him’. Gary only wanted to “belong”, but was always a little different – he was like the piece of the puzzle that didn’t quite fit unless he forced it. His mom showed unconditional love, but was always busy taking care of his dad. Gary went it alone and found comfort wherever he could. Wanting to shine, he did it his way. He gained infamous notoriety doing all the wrong things, but he shined.
Gary fell in love with a girl he thought he could keep forever. She grew up, and they grew apart and he ran away thinking “out of sight, out of mind” because he hurt. He was going to prove to her, and his parents, that he was somebody. Gary became a well respected construction engineer, but he was lonely. Feeling a hole within, he sedated his feelings. Continuing to “show them he could be” he prospered, but so did the addiction that was growing becoming a disease. Gary reached out for love whenever he could, but true love was not felt. He continued to veil his addiction with a cape of success, but that was beginning to shred.
The use and abuse of drugs and alcohol led Gary to many encounters with the legal system, eventually he would come to think it normal spending ”time in jail”, always turning back to that God he once knew and hoping He still cared. Gary would study others and fantasize about success, but the hole remained within. His disease of addiction was a cancer beginning to ‘eat away’ at that hole. Eventually Gary decided there was no point in fighting it any longer and he retreated to the thought he would die in addiction.
Gary’s mom had pleaded with him, but when she died it was more lost hope. No reason to seek the only one who had never given up on him. His dad made a sort of amends, no longer drinking, and fulfilling his “promise to momma he would take care of ‘her baby’.” Gary’s disease used this to it’s advantage and hurt his dad as bad as it hurt Gary. When his dad passed away, knowing he had no where else to go, Gary moved to the streets eventually finding a comfort “that was all he needed”. A place to sleep, a means of supplying his disease of addiction, and in a way ‘comfort and acceptance’ among others like him. Gary’s disease had won the battle and their was no use ‘fighting it’, he would live out his life and die a junkie on the streets. Nobody cared. He was convinced he was “just a bum”. But that God he once knew was the only real friend Gary had. Gary talked with Him, he cried to Him. Gary had once had hopes and dreams, why shouldn’t he be able to have them again. The disease tried to convince him it was no use, he had lost the battle. But Gary cried out to his God, who sent angels to help deliver him from ‘the disease’.
Gary showed fear, because he had come to know the disease as the “only one that would always be there”. Gary stood up, his walk unsteady, and pushed forward. God guided him and held his hand. The angels, always checking on his progress, allowed Gary to learn on his own but assuring him of love and understanding from others. They inspired him to do and think, and hope and dream, and today Gary can walk on his own. He faces fear on his own. He shows love, without concern of rejection. Gary can see God’s hand and He still reaches for it. Today, at 3 yr and 1 mth and 27 days sober, and at 55 yr old, Gary is a happy man. Sometimes he feels alone, but he looks out and God’s hand is still outstretched to greet him. Gary knows the love of others who care about his welfare genuinely, and he knows the love of and for others ‘like him’. Today, Gary realizes God has never left him, He loves him, and Gary belongs to God. Happy Birthday Gary 
“Parents, always remember that child of yours was a gift. One that you wanted and love. Show them your love, and when they reject love and understanding continue to love them. Take care of “momma’s baby”. Bring them to know a God who loves them the same and teach them that God’s love, and yours, will always be there. Regardless of their decisions or behaviors, recognize you love them. You may not love whatever disease or direction they come to claim in life, but they are your babies, your gift that you wanted and love.” ~ gary m ( grateful recovering addict)
